It Takes a Village

It Takes a Village

Children are the beacon of all that is great and positive in the universe. Their joy and kindness are like that of no other. Babies, toddlers, and young children build relationships with others despite age, race, religion, political beliefs, sexual orientation, or any other differentiating factor that adults allow to divide themselves and the world around them.  However, over time, most children lose pieces of their joy and their innate response to be kind to others lessens. The challenges of life along with learned responses from adults break down the walls of their resilience. As their resilience is taken away, a sense of hopelessness sets in and  begins to steal their joy. Many would say that this is just a part of growing up. Well, it does not have to be.  

Joy & Vitality

Before developing an understanding of why losing your joy does not have to be a part of growing up, it is necessary to unpack what joy is. Many people confuse joy and happiness. According to each of their definitions, happiness and joy, while used interchangeably, are not identical. Happiness is defined as  “feeling or showing pleasure or content” while joy is defined as “a feeling of great pleasure and happiness”. If you take it a step further, happiness is a temporary emotion - like anger, sadness, shock, or confusion. It comes and goes with a single event. Joy on the other hand, is a permanent state of being. It is understanding and implementing gratitude - whether in a state of challenge, progress, or accomplishment. With these working definitions, it is safe to say that happiness is encapsulated in joy but they are certainly not the same. 

Because happiness contributes to joy, it can be assumed that the benefits of happiness are also correlated to joy. According to Healthline, having joy promotes a healthy immune system, helps to fight pain and stress, and promotes a healthy lifestyle and longevity as a whole (Murphy, 2018). Along that same vein, studies have shown that being optimistic about the various aspects of life, also known as experiencing joy, extends the life expectancy of individuals across all racial and ethnic backgrounds (Study Finds, 2022). Now that there is a working definition of joy and a separation between joy and happiness established along with the benefits of joy, let's move forward. 

Joy Throughout the World

While many adults of the black and brown community practice perseverance through the many challenges that life brings, many seem to lose pieces of their joy. Finding themselves physically and mentally incorporated into the oppressive systems of the nation, adults find themselves emotionally unraveled and sometimes, joyless. Without even noticing, adults influence upcoming children to react to the world just as they currently do - inevitably repeating the socialization cycle that continues stripping away joy. And this country is not the only place where this phenomenon occurs. 

Having had the privilege and pleasure to visit and venture outside of the United States I have been able to see joy in children around the world.  My consensus is still the same. The joy and kindness found in children is like none other. Even in countries that have been deemed “less fortunate” children, up to a certain point, have their joy intact. In fact, in Lagos, Nigeria (Nigeria being a country who is considered to be third world to the U.S. due to its poor economy) it is not uncommon to see people, including children, with dirty clothing, no shoes, and people living in small shack-like structures, or even outside. Going up the socioeconomic ladder a bit, there are apartments that people stay in, however, they often have poor infrastructure leading to housing  challenges such as building leaks, improper plumbing, and the electricity throughout the country is unreliable.  Despite all of these reasons to be joyless, worried, and have a fear of missing out, most children are not even aware that they are “missing out” on anything. 

Children laugh, play, and run through their neighborhood streets and mall areas without care or responsibility, finding ways to entertain themselves and see life in a way that focuses on what they do have versus what they do not.  As a matter of fact, every day that I went to a certain mall, there was a group of young boys, ages 1 to about 9, that I would see and recognize. The younger two boys (no more than two) found that if they hit their hand on a container, it would make noise. That discovery was one that impacted their minds and uplifted their spirits. Their curiosity began to peak and they made their way to the other containers, all having different amounts of liquid packaged in different ways within them, and experienced the joy of curiosity and exploration. It was amazing that something so small and seemingly meaningless ignited the joy in their little hearts. 

The older boys would play and create games while their parents worked. However, once their parents determined they were able to assist them in their work, those children often became employees, helping to bring money into the home. My heart hurt one day as I heard a mother tell her son of no more than 9 years old “There is no time for playing. We must make money to get the things we need. And I need you to work with me to do that.” The young boy’s head sank and the act of leaving behind what once made him happy and full of joy and wonder, set in.

Know Your Joy to Guide Others to Joy

Now, this is not to say that children should not have to learn responsibility. What this article is speaking to is that it is possible to allow Black and Brown children to grow up in a world that brings countless challenges to their life without losing their joy. However, first things must come first. Adults within the communities need to assess their own level of joy and quality of life. Adults, particularly those who are parents, aunts, uncles, God-parents, and in any other influential positions in a child’s life, should self assess. As adults prepare to engage youth in their growth and development, it is essential to self evaluate. Are you joyous? Or just experiencing temporary moments of happiness? Do you know how to endure the challenges of life while maintaining your sense of joy and are you able to teach that to another person? Have you dealt with your own personal challenges? By evaluating one’s own joy journey, they are able to properly support growing children in their journey of life while maintaining their joy. Parents and parental figures are, after all, a child’s first teacher. 

Untouched by the burdensome care of what others think of them, their curiosity, kindness, and resilience outshines that of almost any adult, creating a pure joy that every person should strive for. It is imperative that adults address their own challenges prior to or even while addressing children and their challenges as they are learning the world we live in.